Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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