well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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