Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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