If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
