he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
