Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
