To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
