do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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