how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
