i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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