the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
