i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
