Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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