Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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