Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
