Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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