Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
