it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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