Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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