do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
