Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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