you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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