My brain says no but my pants say off.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
