is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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