ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
