I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
