Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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