You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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