am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
