did you get engaged???
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
