Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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