Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
