Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
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Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
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It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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