Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
