I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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