lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
