absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize