evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
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I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
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What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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