Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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