Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
