Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize