please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I intend to get homeless drunk
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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