i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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