fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
