I haven't been this sober since birth.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
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Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
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How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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