And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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