Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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