winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
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obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
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You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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