i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
