Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
