remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
