i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
