I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
