i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
