i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
