He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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