Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
