After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
