I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
