I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
