I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it was like his penis was on wheels.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
