Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
