If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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